Dustin Craven is a hero: to every snowboarder caught in the corporate sponsorship trap, contractually obliged to appear clean cut and morally perfect; to every snowboarder who misses the "good old days" when riders were a bunch of fringe punk miscreants flipping the finger to mainstream norms. For others, mostly of the female sort, Dustin Craven is still a hero, but a heartless one: to every girl he's ever come across and failed to call back; to every girl who is a member of the "Girls Who Hate Dustin Craven" Facebook group.
Dustin Craven is writing his own book, and stands in this sport as a true individual, an individual of what, not even he's sure. Mainly, he's just looking for a good time, from snowboarding, from girls, from anyone willing to serve it up wild style. And, well, he just happens to be one of the most stylish riders out there. So get inside the mind of Dustin Craven: you won't regret the read (Unless, well...okay, you might).
Click here for the Dustin Craven interview: ESPN: Dustin Craven.Dustin Craven: Right here. In the Flesh.
What's up with the Olympics t-shirt? (Dustin is wearing a white t-shirt with Olympic rings).
I'm the Olympic dream right here. This shirt is how I'm starting the dream. I went out and bought this t-shirt, and I'm promoting my dreamhow am I kicking off my dream? Well, I bought this stupid t-shirt and then everybody asks me, "Oh, why are you wearing that shirt?" Because I have a dream my friend. I am going to the Olympics. Most people tell me, "That's ridiculous...you're not the Olympic type, you're a little bit too out there..." Whatever, I bought the shirt, I have my dream, and now I'm going to make it a reality.
How hard is it to make the Canadian snowboard team?
Well, if I was trying out for the U.S. Olympic team, it'd be like a one in a thousand chance, but since I'm Canadian I feel like it's like, oh, about one in ten. I figure if I stop drinking for a couple months I think I can do it. I definitely haven't done any, like, working out in the gym or anything, but I figure if I can just learn how to ride halfpipe I'll be good to go.
So I hear you recently moved to Banff from Calgary?
Yeah big move. I mean all my friends peaced out of Calgary and moved to Vancouverbut I'm not into that. Vancouver is, like, the cliche Canadian snowboarder move, that you have to move to Whistler to make it big. But whatever, f--k that, I have so many good friends in Banff, Andrew [Hardingham] is there, and we're working on another movie this year. We already made Throw Your Pantiesbiggest hit EVER. If you haven't seen it... you haven't seen anything.
Oh I've seen it. You've got quite a few make out scenes.
Hmm...well, what can I say? I'm constantly on the prowl. And I'm just continually trying to make it happen. I wanna knock some chicks up, honestly. But you know, it's hard to do it when you're pro-actively trying. It's not like every day you run into a girl and she's like "Protection? Out the window."
So making out is only a small part of your master plan? You're actually looking to make little Craven babies?
Yes... but no! You see, I'm just trying to prove that you can't get what you don't believe in. Making babies is like getting Aids or venereal diseases. Babies don't want me, and neither does disease, even though I'm mingling in their social circles of sexual promiscuity. It's just that they're not for me and I'm not for them. It's those suckers who are scared of getting a chick pregnant or catching clap that are going to wind up with it. I'm just mellow out about it, I'm like, "You venereal diseases, you babies, you Aids can all hang out in your corner with your dudes, and I'll hang out in my corner, and I'll catch you, you're not going to catch me." It's kind of like a truce I have going with the seedy world I move around in. I'm really happy about my situation.
Whoa. You've really given this some thought.
Yeah, it goes deep man. You have to take control. Like buying this Olympic t-shirt. I am leading my own destiny.
Freaky crap is my forte.
Destiny, sure. What about destination? You spent a lot of time in Europe last winter with Hardingham, right?
Yeah, Hardingham and I definitely went off to Europe to experiment for a while. Everyone's like, "Ohhhh people in Europe, they're like, so experimental!" People think they do so much freaky crap, so I'm just like, "Whatever, sign me up." Freaky crap is my forte. So we went there, we dabbled, tested the spirits of all the girls, anything we could run intooh wait, Andrew didn't because he has a girlfriend, so he was a wash. But he was always there as like my "morning after" support, you know? When you get a moral hangoverwhich I don't getbut I'm just saying if I was a normal human and did get moral hangovers, Andrew would be there for me. Like, in one case, he had to pay for this girl's morning after pill for me because I didn't have enough money. So you know, he hooks it up good. He's there for me.
That's why it's such a great friendship because I don't have to worry about me, but he has to worry about me. He's like my mom. He's not the most responsible mom, but... he definitely makes sure I'm having a good time, all the time.
That sounds like a very special relationship. What about the new movie? You guys have anything mapped out?
Yeah, we've been working on some stuff. But nothing I can report on right now. We change stuff way too often to make any official announcements. Like Throw Your Panties used to be called Me and D for Andrew and Dustin, but then we were drinking beers one day on the couch and realized how sweet it is when chicks throw their panties, so we changed the name on the spot.
What do you have to do if you want a cameo in the new movie?
Uh, show up. Anyone can have a cameo. You just have to show up, know me and Andrew, and party super hard.
Okay, so I'll meet you there.
Absolutely. Let's get it done.
Cool, and I just want ESPN to know that one day I'm going to be a hockey star. As soon as I'm done being an Olympic star. Thank you very much.